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News thread
Al Kafire Aschad Thu Jan 10, 2013 9:37 am
Post your nation's views on politics, religion or bacon, just do it as a newscast.
Last edited by Al Kafire Aschad on Thu Jan 10, 2013 10:10 am; edited 3 times in total
Al Kafire Aschad- Admin
- Posts : 193
Join date : 2012-12-09
LCB News
Al Kafire Aschad Thu Jan 10, 2013 9:38 am
(LCB is government run media. They are biased and people hate them because they are pompous bastards from Kyïpyöncg)
Lantischka Central Broadcasting - 2013-01-10
The Krezpa Sayuzspi Report
Bus bomb in Petürdesch Kills 15
A bus explodes in Petürdesch killing 15 and injuring many others, early this morning. It was 02:23 when bus 157 stopped at a bus depot, and promptly exploded. All 14 on board and one pedestrian were killed. An intercity bus parked just beside it was also caught in the explosion, and several passengers had third degree burns. Some 30 other people were hit with debris from the vehicle. All surviving casualties are currently in hospital. The local Rescue Service determined the cause to be a bomb, this was later confirmed by the Ministry of National Security. As no one has claimed responsibility for the attacks, the government plans to attack Finland. This event has reminded people of the Söncgtschöncg bus bombs from 1995-1997, which caused the invasion of Quebec.
Pick A Side
Several towns up north are being pressured by the central government to switch from driving on the right to driving on the left, like the rest of the nation. I don't know wherefore anyone cares, though. They oppose it because it would be too costly to change everything to suit the new traffic patterns, and because there is no real reason to do it, it is just the southerners trying to boss them around. What the hell is their problem? Walk your damn cows on the other side of the road, problem solved. So what if we are just treating you like our bitches? You had just better get used to it. Even when you smelly yokels come down here, you end up as rent-boys carrying god-knows-what kind of parasites on your junk. You people disgust me.
PM Al Kafire Aschad is the most awesome man ever
Today, the Prime Minister of Lantischka did several manly things.
He:
-Bitch-slapped Chuck Norris
-Rode the New York City subway
-Shot a wolf
-Had sex with a women
-Divided by zero
-Urinated on a homeless man
Later, he plans to urinate on a wolf he is having sex with on the subway while dividing Chuck Norris by zero. I feel masculine just typing about him.
Lantischka Central Broadcasting - 2013-01-10
The Krezpa Sayuzspi Report
Bus bomb in Petürdesch Kills 15
A bus explodes in Petürdesch killing 15 and injuring many others, early this morning. It was 02:23 when bus 157 stopped at a bus depot, and promptly exploded. All 14 on board and one pedestrian were killed. An intercity bus parked just beside it was also caught in the explosion, and several passengers had third degree burns. Some 30 other people were hit with debris from the vehicle. All surviving casualties are currently in hospital. The local Rescue Service determined the cause to be a bomb, this was later confirmed by the Ministry of National Security. As no one has claimed responsibility for the attacks, the government plans to attack Finland. This event has reminded people of the Söncgtschöncg bus bombs from 1995-1997, which caused the invasion of Quebec.
Pick A Side
Several towns up north are being pressured by the central government to switch from driving on the right to driving on the left, like the rest of the nation. I don't know wherefore anyone cares, though. They oppose it because it would be too costly to change everything to suit the new traffic patterns, and because there is no real reason to do it, it is just the southerners trying to boss them around. What the hell is their problem? Walk your damn cows on the other side of the road, problem solved. So what if we are just treating you like our bitches? You had just better get used to it. Even when you smelly yokels come down here, you end up as rent-boys carrying god-knows-what kind of parasites on your junk. You people disgust me.
PM Al Kafire Aschad is the most awesome man ever
Today, the Prime Minister of Lantischka did several manly things.
He:
-Bitch-slapped Chuck Norris
-Rode the New York City subway
-Shot a wolf
-Had sex with a women
-Divided by zero
-Urinated on a homeless man
Later, he plans to urinate on a wolf he is having sex with on the subway while dividing Chuck Norris by zero. I feel masculine just typing about him.
Last edited by Al Kafire Aschad on Tue Apr 02, 2013 2:03 am; edited 2 times in total
Al Kafire Aschad- Admin
- Posts : 193
Join date : 2012-12-09
LordOfDeath96- Posts : 146
Join date : 2012-12-18
Age : 27
Location : Holiday, Flordia
LCB News-Krezpa Sayuzspi
Al Kafire Aschad Thu Jan 10, 2013 12:17 pm
Breaking News!
lordofdeath96 has just made an in-depth evaluation of our Prime Minister. The amazing reporter accurately described his entire life, personality and beliefs with three simple words.
"... you are crazy"
-lordofdeath96
More on this breaking story as it develops.
UPDATE:
lordofdeath96 is the famed author of "Bob & the Branflakes massacre", a popular novel about a man searching for "branflakes". He is known to be good with words, and is very efficient when expressing himself.
lordofdeath96 has just made an in-depth evaluation of our Prime Minister. The amazing reporter accurately described his entire life, personality and beliefs with three simple words.
"... you are crazy"
-lordofdeath96
More on this breaking story as it develops.
UPDATE:
lordofdeath96 is the famed author of "Bob & the Branflakes massacre", a popular novel about a man searching for "branflakes". He is known to be good with words, and is very efficient when expressing himself.
Al Kafire Aschad- Admin
- Posts : 193
Join date : 2012-12-09
BREAKING NEWS
LordOfDeath96 Thu Jan 10, 2013 1:23 pm
BREAKING NEWS
Bob has come back to life and is now roaming the streets of lantischka.. murdering woman and children and raping their dead bodies...if you are a man dont worry your safe. .bobs not gay...bob is making his way to the prime ministers office...please stay indoors if you are a woman or child...even if you are a boy that looks like a girl
Bob has come back to life and is now roaming the streets of lantischka.. murdering woman and children and raping their dead bodies...if you are a man dont worry your safe. .bobs not gay...bob is making his way to the prime ministers office...please stay indoors if you are a woman or child...even if you are a boy that looks like a girl
LordOfDeath96- Posts : 146
Join date : 2012-12-18
Age : 27
Location : Holiday, Flordia
LCB News
Al Kafire Aschad Thu Jan 10, 2013 5:06 pm
We interrupt this program for an important message
Any rumours of a murderous bob roaming Lantischka are completely false.
There is no threat of a bob.
That is all.
Any rumours of a murderous bob roaming Lantischka are completely false.
There is no threat of a bob.
That is all.
Al Kafire Aschad- Admin
- Posts : 193
Join date : 2012-12-09
We interrupt this program again for an important message
LordOfDeath96 Thu Jan 10, 2013 8:10 pm
We interrupt this program again for an important message
Bob kidnaped the news casters and made them send out that prevous message..all other broadcasts are not to be trusted...his is your minister saying...go fuck your self...goodnight
Bob kidnaped the news casters and made them send out that prevous message..all other broadcasts are not to be trusted...his is your minister saying...go fuck your self...goodnight
LordOfDeath96- Posts : 146
Join date : 2012-12-18
Age : 27
Location : Holiday, Flordia
LCB News
Al Kafire Aschad Thu Jan 31, 2013 10:27 pm
Lantischka Central Broadcasting - 2013-01-31
The Krezpa Sayuzspi Report
Economic Reform in Lantischka
Much of Lantischka's economy was centred around selling technology to other, more established nations. But that all changes today. Now Lantischka's economy is changing from its former export economy to a consumer driven economy. This change had been postponed for well over two months, with the government riding out the technology dealing "boom", but now it's time for a change, says the Prime Minister. "Selling technology has been an important part of our economy, but it's time to move forward." -Al Kafire Aschad. Lantischka has been accumulating as much money from technology dealing as possible, with a goal of 90,000,000 Kapi. That goal was cut short, though by how much has not been released as of yet. Public opinion on these reforms is divided. Many are in favour of this action, hoping for a better standard of living, however, some believe this may have been premature. For now, we will have to wait and see what happens.
New Technology Deals
Lantischka has placed orders for technology for the first time, earlier today. Two orders for 100 technology levels at a price of £3,000,000 each have been placed, and are still pending. 50 technology levels are still owed to a nation, but it has been arranged for another nation to pay this back.
The Krezpa Sayuzspi Report
Economic Reform in Lantischka
Much of Lantischka's economy was centred around selling technology to other, more established nations. But that all changes today. Now Lantischka's economy is changing from its former export economy to a consumer driven economy. This change had been postponed for well over two months, with the government riding out the technology dealing "boom", but now it's time for a change, says the Prime Minister. "Selling technology has been an important part of our economy, but it's time to move forward." -Al Kafire Aschad. Lantischka has been accumulating as much money from technology dealing as possible, with a goal of 90,000,000 Kapi. That goal was cut short, though by how much has not been released as of yet. Public opinion on these reforms is divided. Many are in favour of this action, hoping for a better standard of living, however, some believe this may have been premature. For now, we will have to wait and see what happens.
New Technology Deals
Lantischka has placed orders for technology for the first time, earlier today. Two orders for 100 technology levels at a price of £3,000,000 each have been placed, and are still pending. 50 technology levels are still owed to a nation, but it has been arranged for another nation to pay this back.
Last edited by Al Kafire Aschad on Tue Apr 02, 2013 2:03 am; edited 1 time in total
Al Kafire Aschad- Admin
- Posts : 193
Join date : 2012-12-09
Re: News thread
Zacharias Sun Feb 03, 2013 10:41 pm
New Soviet Republic Times
Breaking News
1/29/13 Radiation Leak
A group of scientist at a classified research complex in northern NSR were working on an unknown research project when there was a malfunction at the complex's energy core. The reactor explode, decimating the complex and killing seven of the ten scientists. About 90 miles of land around the complex had to be abandoned due to high amounts of radiation.
Two of the remaining three scientists are being treated for radiation sickness, and the third scientist is in critical condition.
More on the story will be reported when we receive more information.
Economy
The stock market in the NSR plummeted from 10,295.09 to 820.49, steaming from the radiation leak a few days ago.
Breaking News
1/29/13 Radiation Leak
A group of scientist at a classified research complex in northern NSR were working on an unknown research project when there was a malfunction at the complex's energy core. The reactor explode, decimating the complex and killing seven of the ten scientists. About 90 miles of land around the complex had to be abandoned due to high amounts of radiation.
Two of the remaining three scientists are being treated for radiation sickness, and the third scientist is in critical condition.
More on the story will be reported when we receive more information.
Economy
The stock market in the NSR plummeted from 10,295.09 to 820.49, steaming from the radiation leak a few days ago.
Zacharias- Posts : 81
Join date : 2012-12-12
Location : Michigan, USA
LCB News
Al Kafire Aschad Wed Mar 27, 2013 2:30 am
Lantischka Central Broadcasting - 2013/03/27
The Steven Weinstein Report
Too Big to Fail
As Lantischka's economy grows, it's apparent that the three largest nations in Pax Romana (Ducain, hobotown and Lantischka) hold a disproportionate amount of the alliance's strength. This not only attracts the attention of potential terrorists, it also means slower growth. Right now, the technology market of PR is very inflated, with too little buyers seeking foreign nations for technology, and some nations that should be buying are actually still selling technology. Right now, we need more coordination and cooperation with the three largest nations, more internal deals, and for some nations to stop selling technology and to start buying.
The Steven Weinstein Report
Too Big to Fail
As Lantischka's economy grows, it's apparent that the three largest nations in Pax Romana (Ducain, hobotown and Lantischka) hold a disproportionate amount of the alliance's strength. This not only attracts the attention of potential terrorists, it also means slower growth. Right now, the technology market of PR is very inflated, with too little buyers seeking foreign nations for technology, and some nations that should be buying are actually still selling technology. Right now, we need more coordination and cooperation with the three largest nations, more internal deals, and for some nations to stop selling technology and to start buying.
Al Kafire Aschad- Admin
- Posts : 193
Join date : 2012-12-09
LCB News
Al Kafire Aschad Mon Apr 01, 2013 10:29 pm
Lantischka Central Broadcasting - 2013/04/01
The Steven Weinstein Report
PAXR Index
Total Nations: 15
Active Nations: 8 at 57%
NS: 76,606
Avg. NS: 5,107
Score: 0.67
Top Three:
1. hobotown 17,160.198 NS
2. Lantischka 16,426.999 NS
3. Ducain 16,270.847 NS
Still below a recent peak AS of 77,045, Pax Romana is making a comeback. Hopefully, the new recruitment may provide a boost the alliances needs. Still, spending cuts in Lantischka could cause problems, not to mention general inactivity of other members.
The following two weeks could be an interesting time for the alliance, and could be a make or break moment for the economy.
The Steven Weinstein Report
PAXR Index
Total Nations: 15
Active Nations: 8 at 57%
NS: 76,606
Avg. NS: 5,107
Score: 0.67
Top Three:
1. hobotown 17,160.198 NS
2. Lantischka 16,426.999 NS
3. Ducain 16,270.847 NS
Still below a recent peak AS of 77,045, Pax Romana is making a comeback. Hopefully, the new recruitment may provide a boost the alliances needs. Still, spending cuts in Lantischka could cause problems, not to mention general inactivity of other members.
The following two weeks could be an interesting time for the alliance, and could be a make or break moment for the economy.
Al Kafire Aschad- Admin
- Posts : 193
Join date : 2012-12-09
Re: News thread
emperor666 Tue Apr 02, 2013 3:02 pm
Breaking News in hobotown
Manbearpig was sighted in the ghetto buying some crack. we do not know whether or not he was really sighted or if the person who sighted him was on bath salts. "saw man bear pig Manbearpig, he buy some crack, i want some crack... (mumble) thats a tasty face" said the man who told us about Manbearpig. i think his name was Dave.
In other news we only had 279 murders last month which is an all time low for our neighborhood Human Hunters team, we think the coaches are discussing new tactics for our Human Hunting Playbook.
That is all in Hobotown news, try not to die out there.
Manbearpig was sighted in the ghetto buying some crack. we do not know whether or not he was really sighted or if the person who sighted him was on bath salts. "saw man bear pig Manbearpig, he buy some crack, i want some crack... (mumble) thats a tasty face" said the man who told us about Manbearpig. i think his name was Dave.
In other news we only had 279 murders last month which is an all time low for our neighborhood Human Hunters team, we think the coaches are discussing new tactics for our Human Hunting Playbook.
That is all in Hobotown news, try not to die out there.
emperor666- Admin
- Posts : 178
Join date : 2012-10-01 -
Re: News thread
Al Kafire Aschad Wed Apr 03, 2013 3:31 am
Lantischka Central Broadcasting - 2013-04-03
The Krezpa Sayuzspi Report
Parliament Meeting in Kyïpyöncg
Today PM Al Kafire Aschad, Minister of National Security Tscherezaszkov, and several MPs were discussing the recent spending cuts and a special project set to begin on the 19th of April this year. Tscherezaszkov has confirmed that the cuts are not in any way related to the recent tension on the Korean Peninsula. "That is a separate and unrelated issue; it is not the cause of the recent spending cuts. It is unlikely we would become involved in any conflict. At this time we do not consider it a threat to our national security, but we are paying attention to the situation." When asked about details to this "Special Project", the PM said they were not prepared to disclose such information at this time.
The Krezpa Sayuzspi Report
Parliament Meeting in Kyïpyöncg
Today PM Al Kafire Aschad, Minister of National Security Tscherezaszkov, and several MPs were discussing the recent spending cuts and a special project set to begin on the 19th of April this year. Tscherezaszkov has confirmed that the cuts are not in any way related to the recent tension on the Korean Peninsula. "That is a separate and unrelated issue; it is not the cause of the recent spending cuts. It is unlikely we would become involved in any conflict. At this time we do not consider it a threat to our national security, but we are paying attention to the situation." When asked about details to this "Special Project", the PM said they were not prepared to disclose such information at this time.
Al Kafire Aschad- Admin
- Posts : 193
Join date : 2012-12-09
Re: News thread
Al Kafire Aschad Wed Apr 17, 2013 1:57 am
Lantischka Central Broadcasting - 2013-04-17
The Steven Weinstein Report
30 Million Dollar Project is a Success
Today, the Lantischka Stock Exchange opens as the largest economic project for Lantischka to date.
It's the first wonder for Pax Romana, and will provide about £500,000.00 every day.
The LKSE is expected to give Lantischka a competitive edge over other Peaceful Romans.
"It's another first for Lantischka, and will help keep us a step ahead of the competition." -Al Kafire Aschad
The LKSE should provide it's first monetary return in about 15 days.
The Steven Weinstein Report
30 Million Dollar Project is a Success
Today, the Lantischka Stock Exchange opens as the largest economic project for Lantischka to date.
It's the first wonder for Pax Romana, and will provide about £500,000.00 every day.
The LKSE is expected to give Lantischka a competitive edge over other Peaceful Romans.
"It's another first for Lantischka, and will help keep us a step ahead of the competition." -Al Kafire Aschad
The LKSE should provide it's first monetary return in about 15 days.
Al Kafire Aschad- Admin
- Posts : 193
Join date : 2012-12-09
Pax Romana :: General Discussion :: Spam
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